The Struggle Is Real: My Journey With My Body

I’ve had my struggles with weight on both sides of the spectrum. In high school, would eat as little as 800 calories a day while running and exercising every chance I got. I wanted to be the best runner I could be, and I thought not eating would make me faster. As a perfectionist, I loved control. If I could control how fast I was with food, then life was perfect…or so I thought. Thank goodness this lasted only a few short months. At a scary 89 pounds at 5’4″, I snapped out of it and began to gain re-weight. Too much weight. The college years came next. These were filled with late night pizza and beer. I weighed 145 at my highest. I realize this isn’t considered highly overweight, but I had dropped many of my healthy habits. While I still loved exercise, my social life took over. Tanning and bleach blond hair also became an unhealthy obsession. Today, I am proud to say I eat healthy and workout to be fit, not skinny. I will not go anywhere near a tanning bed, and wonder why I thought I looked good unnaturally tan. I haven’t dyed my hair in over a year, and I love the natural look. I housed a child, and I love my body more than ever now. I finally realize what my body is capable of and how to treat it right. I look at food as my way of energizing and no longer have a bad relationship with it. I still have some obsession with label reading, but only because I want to give my body what it deserves. It took a few years to get it right, but I am finally at a place where I can just be happy. Mentally and physically I feel so much better about myself. Eating disorders are no joke. They consume you and can take their toll emotionally. If you need help making sense of your thinking, don’t be scared to reach out.

Left: My Past

Right: Present (While this is not post-baby, since I don’t have any good full length pictures of me, I can say that I weigh less than when this picture was taken but look pretty much the same.)

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